Thoughts On Family

I don't usually talk about my personal life, but I have had an on going frustration that I would like to share with those of you who decide to take interest in these rambling of mine.

My parents have always claimed "they just want me to be happy" however what I find interesting about this statement is that I have never been asked how I feel in the first place.  I have never been asked what my goals and desires are. No how I feel and what I want in life has always been assumed or rather commanded.

Religion has always had priority over my desires, wants, and needs.

I can't think of anything that would make me more proud then if I had a kid who felt like he/she could disagree with me openly and rationally with about being afraid of ridicule and hostility.

But my parents hold the opposite value of a good child that they are proud of.

Thus my parents don't love me as an individual, they love me as a cookie cutter piece. They love me as long as I am vague person with no sense of self.

I am sure most of us have had similar experiences and I am by no means claiming that I have it so bad, but it is a frustration in my life none the less.

I suppose in the end it doesn't really matter, people that have never taken the time to know me, or tried to question what they believe are in no position to give me any effective criticism, but rather intimidation.

Well if you have read down to here, thank you. I will put up some more formal blogs soon I promise.

Egocide

I have come to the realization that the vast majority of my personal blogs are not really happy ones... I suppose the times I feel like expressing myself most is when I feel troubled.  But quite honestly I am not a sad person, and I am not overall discontent with my life.

So today we can talk about other things rather then my troubles.

I have been fairly anti-social lately, but it has had some good effects, and overall I have enjoyed it.  I have been reading and writing my in journals like crazy, and it has resulted in a lot of realizations, and uncovering of simple truths. Some about myself, and some about the world around me (you will see a lot of these ones on my other blog).

The truth is a truly liberating thing. However the damage from our past sometimes makes it difficult to live and actually apply to our lives. I believe for the first time in my life I am starting to truly apply the truth to my life rather then hide and be ashamed of it.  I find that it is very rewarding, and it makes you feel more true to yourself.

We take for granted how important it is to be true to yourself... if you can't trust yourself... what do you have left?

Once that is put into perspective, and you realize how many people have no sense of self respect, and self trust it really puts the world as it is in an entirely different perspective.

People look to others for completion and some kind of security but once again, what do we have left when you can't trust our selves? How can we be capable of sincerity, love, and respect when we have no sense of self? What to we have to offer other people when we have nothing to offer ourselves?

We have been taught our whole lives to abandon our sense of self for "the greater good" or "because it's prideful" and so on.  Gods, governments, and cultures don't have anything to gain from self respecting people who are content with their individuality. They would rather you be a dependant broken human being, too scared to leave the herd.

What these gods, governments, and cultures have done is a kind of egocide. They have destroyed our sense of self.  And we need to get it back.

This is what has been on my mind lately, and I just felt like sharing it with those of you who care to read this blog. Hopefully you can find some kind of value from my own reflections on life.

Nietzsche

Philosopher

Poet

Anti-Christ

Oh, how your word sink into me!

Oh, how you open my eyes!

Nietzsche, you are the friend that I never knew...

You understood what loneliness means didn't you? Not the kind of loneliness because of a lack of human contact.  No, this is the kind of loneliness of a radical mind.  This is a kind of loneliness that few people understand.  We could be in a room of a hundred people and still be utterly alone. The person that realizes how little mankind, as it stands, has to offer him, and how little he has to offer mankind.

We truly are the "Hyperborean's".

We truly do live amid the ice of the cold north.

Your words bring courage to my heart, and anger at this sickness called "society". Your bring the anger that I should have felt years ago! As this culture tried to make me a "tame animal".  For years it work, as I was helpless and had no choice but to accept the oppression around me. But now I see these people for the con-artists that they are.

Much of this is thanks to you Nietzsche... my friend.