You ran away, because your empty
But you can't run away from that emptiness. You are that emptiness.
Shame on me for treating you like anything else other then the empty person you, are functioning in an empty world.
Shame on me for calling you beautiful.
Shame on me for trying so hard to be understanding.
And shame on you for just being another piece of shit that is owned by fear.
Just like everyone else.
I withdraw and keep to myself and this seems to always puzzle or even bother people. They often mistake this for sadness, and surely there is some loneliness to it, but I feel much more alone with most people then I do with my self.
Most people are empty... they strive for these cultural standards because they think they can fill that emptiness with the approval of others.
How can it not depress you to be around these kinds of people? Try going to a party and honestly observing the people around you and what's going on. Most everyone you know will start acting like a completely different person. Girls will act more stupid, guys will get more competitive and it all adds up to be a bunch of horse shit.
So am I depressed? no. It may simply seem that way because I withdraw my self when I smell bullshit. And I hate being around that emptiness... Those people that try to make you love them... not because they love you, but because they don't love themselves. They drain you life away.
Its like this world is some kind of leech fest. Everyone just trying to suck a little life out of the person next to them. They never see you as an individual, just a means to an end.
Go to your churches, your parties, all your little social interactions... its all just a mass emptiness. We celebrate that emptiness, we love it, we immerse ourselves in it, we worship it.
Almost no one has anything to offer, and even less want what I have to give.
I once looked for something beyond entropy
Something that never died, something that never broke, something that never moved.
But now I realize, that you have to find beauty in the the finite.
Look back on moments as threads that weave a memory that you can always hold to your heart, that will always mean something to you, and you alone.
Others may see nothing but a shattered glass.
But I see shards that once made a beautiful sculpture.
Everything ends... and that's ok.
We just reach for those few beautiful and frail things and hold on to them as long as we possibly can...
These days we are all looking for some one to save us, some one to fix us, some one to complete us.
That is never what I was looking for... I just wanted something beautiful.
That's the difference between them and us. They don't know what beautiful means.
They would kill for nothing.
They would die for anything.
They would live for nonsense.
They just need something, anything, to make themselves feel complete. They huddle together in masses because they fear facing the world alone as a single human being.
So you see... its not that I need you, its not that I can't be happy with out you, its not that you complete me. Its that your a beautiful human being and you haven't let anyone own you.
Its because your beautiful, not because I am scared to be alone.
I don't kill, die, or live for just anything, nothing, or nonsense. My life, and my love is not just for sale to just anyone or anything.
Just know that when most people you meet say "I love you" what they are really saying is "I am glad I am not alone".
Just know that when I said it, it meant something entirely different.
